zero to sixty
Ever had a day that went from basic or even wonderful to the most horrible experience of your life, in what feels like a blink of an eye?
Anxiety can do that to you.
So can a string of bad events, that your mind constantly wants to remind you of, and suddently forgetting to do something equates to being homeless, jobless and loveless.
what the actual fuck.
I write a blog on mental health, self care and all around love for a reason, I suffer from this shit too, and sometimes it PUTS ME ON MY ASS. In the past year and a half I've had a LOT happen to me, from hospital stays to the worst most heart-wrenching breakup of my life, to losing two jobs... I could go on, but you've heard it all. And yet I keep bringing it up.
I WANT TO PRESS THE RESTART BUTTON.
I thought I had. I have an amazing new job, I just got my own place and move out in a matter of weeks and I'm slowly putting the pieces of my heart back together. But yesterday, while packing up my room, reliving an assortment of memories, and praying I could get out faster than I am, I LOST IT.
... Like send 100 texts to my mentor at work (it felt like that, it was actually just 10) - call my mom crying - curl up in a bawl because I'm going to lose my job and be homeless - oh plus the world is ending - kind of losing it. UGH.
Its moments like this where I stop and say "who am I?" - because I don't feel like myself at all.
PANIC ATTACKS ARE WEIRD. THE BEST WAY I CAN DESCRIBE THEM IS IMPENDING DOOM WITH A SHEER SURVIVAL NEED TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN SKIN. ITS AWFUL.
But after yesterdays struggles I needed to come up with some ways to change the way I look at my life, and the way I look at this anxiety I struggle with ... number 2 is the most important to me.
1. There is a future - from this moment, you will live, you'll get past it, your world is not crumbling. You are so much stronger than you think.
2. STOP RELIVING THE PAST. Stop bringing up everything and everyone that ever hurt you. You DO NOT OWE ANYONE an explanation on why you and your ex broke up, you don't need to relive your scariest moments, you don't have to dwell for months on end on something that has already happened to you. STOP reliving painful times. MOVE THE FUCK ONWARD.
3. Put your damn phone away. Don't text anyone or respond to anyone's text. Im particularly irrational when I am having a panic attack and rude, and wont take help from anyone. If this is you, walk away from your phone and breathe. (Disclaimer: I'm the kind of person that wants to be alone during my panic attack and having people talk to me makes things worse. But please seek help if you need help!)
4. Breathe. Lay down, cool your body down with a cold cloth, focus only on your breath, stop thinking about what set you off, if at all possible, and just breathe.
5. Find someone to talk to post anxiety attack. Your friend, your mom, a therapist. Reach out for comfort when you're ready. This too shall pass.
As always, remember, you are not alone.
Yesterday sucked, heres to a new day.