its the habits that hurt

Old habits die hard. 

Mine are particularly lingering, reaching for my phone to tell him about my day is still a reflex I cannot shake. 

I've tried it all. Telling someone ELSE about my day, not as fun. Writing it down in a blog post or insta stories, not as satisfying. Saying it aloud, just weird. I didn't just lose my boyfriend, I lost my best friend. And its not my boyfriend I miss, that part was miserable, its my best friend, the one who loved and supported everything I did and was proud of all I've accomplished, man if he could see me now. 

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I'm not sure when the phrase "I cant wait to tell {insert ex's name}" will no longer be second nature. This blog post is going to be incredibly unsatisfying only because I don't have an answer, its one of those posts I'll file under, 'you're not alone'. 

I'm also at that phase where I don't welcome advice, I just want things to go my way. Which is also something I am sure you can relate to. I'm really good at speaking my mind and saying what you should do, but sometimes that advice falls on ears unwilling to listen. I get it. 

I'll figure it out, and so will you. We just have to be aware there will be good days and bad. Ones filled with positive vibes and ones that make us cry. Give your emotions space. Know this is a process, not an instant solution, and maybe bury his number in your phone... like changing his name to "don't do it". At this point, I'll try anything. 

You got this. 

Elizabeth KathrynComment